why does it have to be so fast?

switcheroo

blame zach.

So yeaaaaaaah.

ANYWAY!

Some recent posts that have been meaningful for me and my current life situation:

Penelope Trunk
More Penelope Trunk
I'm not so much like this guy, but the response was relevant.

More later.

fail.

yeah, so about that once a day thing....

lazy thursday?

I have been such a bum today. It's kind of despicable.

But I added hangman to my blog! And a couple other nifty changes.

I keep thinking of all the things I could be doing today (since I don't work today) and I can't get past thoughts. Haven't done much. Bad habit. I think it's because I've been sleeping in - and when I sleep in I feel tired ALL day. It's no bueno.

Went to Starbucks to get caffeine hoping that would motivate me, and when I was walking out I witnessed the tail end of an older woman falling in the parking lot. She was with what seemed like her 13ish year old granddaughter. I didn't see how bad it was, but when she fell she didn't get up. (I immediately thought of you, LP, if you're reading this...). Anyway, I went over and she had a sizable gash above her eye. Luckily I was at my store, I stole some supplies from the first aid kit. Anyway, she was fine, but like, four women coming from Pei Wei rushed over after I helped her get cleaned up and they basically shushed me away. Like, "We're all fine here, thanks!" And stayed with her. I didn't get that at all. Did I offend them or something? It was very strange. Very high school.

I think some women are proud of their nurturing capabilities - like they need to prove it. They're possessive over it, even competitive. I don't understand it.

Anyway. That was kind of interesting. Going to Norman for most of next week and I can't wait! It will be good to see people, and to look for jobs.

Oklahoma plays in the BCS National Championship Game tonight! Boomer Sooner baby. Should be good. Hopefully...

Got a Victoria's Secret swim catalog today - made me want to work out. But I still didn't. ha.

weird things

1. This is the world headquarters of craigslist. Somehow I imagined it being very different. Only 25 employees. Hm.

2. I saw Slumdog Millionaire today, and it was very good, you should go see it! I don't totally agree with the review, but it mentions this tidbit of weirdness during the ending credits: They all broke out into a dance. Like, a choreographed, Bollywood-esque dance. ? And it definitely wasn't that kind of movie. Seriously, anyone know what that's about?

more jobless journalists

This is depressing. And, really, it's starting to get old.

I think that every person I graduated with (or nearly with) that got a job in journalism has either nearly escaped a lay off or has suffered one. It's pretty amazing how quickly it's all just burning to the ground. Newspapers at least.

(For the record, LP has not been laid off. But she works in magazines in New York, so she doesn't count. haha)

A friend's facebook status today said that she "is worried that this economy will rob our media of some of the best new journalists."

This isn't the end of journalism, obviously, but it is certainly a painful transition. It just might be the end of the newspaper, or at least, the newspaper as we know it. I'm sure my kids will not be picking up a daily newspaper every morning.

But I think that's sadly true. What about all us newbs? We all graduated, excited and edumuhcated, with nowhere to go. The smartest of us will find new paths to carve in journalism - new ways of storytelling or some niche we can find a way to make our own. But what will the rest of us do in the meantime? Settle? Or ditch journalism for something to pay the bills?

p.s.

Two wonderful things made their return today: Gossip Girl and Cary Tennis.

Just wanted to share.

my nose hurts

It's raw from being blown all day long.

I'm all stuffy. It stinks.

I've waited too long to write today and now I'm all tired. I've got to start some better time management if this resolution is going to work.

I have a few personal resolutions this year. I want to trust myself more. I want to be more confident. I want to stop apologizing for myself. I want to stop doubting so much. I want to be more positive.

Worry and negativity really are just habits. They're things you learn, even from a young age. But I think you also have to spend a little time unlearning them. You have to really make an effort to change the way you think.

I think maybe I've been watching too much Oprah lately.

ommm

So, I have an admission. I really really like Taylor Swift's album, Fearless. It's actually, genuinely good. I know, some of you (one of you) is probably rolling your eyes. But psh, whatev.

On another note, I've been seriously considering doing a Vipassana meditation course. I used to think meditation was kind of.... weird. A little too new agey and.... weird. But I've been reading and learning more and more about what it's all about and it makes so much sense to me it's just crazy.

Vipassana, in Sanskrit, means insight. Mostly, insight into the nature of reality. The goal is to see the impermanence in reality, and to explore yourself so that you can detach yourself from it. The whole idea being that everything is transitory and the nature of a person is selflessness.

The more I read, the more it makes sense, and the more time I spend meditating (I'm still a total beginner and am not yet very good at it - I get distracted) the better I feel, just in general.

Vipassana is a technique you learn through a ten-day course. It's pretty much ten days of pure meditation. The first three, you just learn to focus on your breathing as a way to calm your mind, and then you do the more introspective meditation. You don't speak to anyone, you eat an entirely vegetarian diet and you have no communication with the outside world. No reading, writing, anything. Sounds pretty intense.

You can apply and if you're accepted, it's completely free. It's funded by people who've finished the course. Pretty cool.

I'm reading Letters From the Dhamma Brothers and it's got me interested. It's mostly letters of thanks from prisoners who've done the course.

Pretty interesting stuff. I'm feeling pretty sickly, so that's all for now.

ouch

Went out drinking last night. In a good amount of discomfort today. I'm not as young as I used to be. Insightful, I know.

I want to move and need to figure out how. ideas?

new year

It's a new year, but I am still a bad blogger.

The holidays have come and gone and the majority of them, for me, consisted of cooking, eating and making coffee. Mostly quiet, but they were good.

I have a new resolution. And it's a typical New Year's resolution - unattainable, difficult and it probably won't stick, but let's just see. I am going to write something every single day. I'm starting here, but with my new shiny web site coming soon (!) it may evolve to a new location. But it will be more than on a notepad at home (unless I have some extenuating, no-access-to-internet situation) because that won't keep me accountable.

I worry too much about getting things right. I worry too much about making the perfect choice, making sure my moves are the right ones. Sometimes I forget to just do something. Sometimes I freeze facing so many choices, so many paths. So, I'm just going to pick one path and do it. Maybe it won't always be right or perfect, but I'll be doing it! And it's not a big choice - but it's a good start.

I am a very emotional person. Nobody makes me realize this more than my mother. She is an emotional person. She worries about everything, about everyone. She obsesses. She fidgets. All the time. She's got this undercurrent of energy that is just always buzzing. It makes me crazy sometimes. There is so much of her in me. But I can also realize lots of ways that I am not like her, and that is helpful too.

Sometimes my emotions surprise me. Sometimes there is something there, under the surface, that just seems to grow and develop all on it's own and you never really even notice it. You don't even know it exists, but you carry it around all the time. And then, you kick your foot into the coffee table or someone grabs you by the shoulders and says something right into your eyes and it just springs up, out of nowhere, just to surprise you. Where the hell did that come from? But somehow you are familiar with it, and you kind of knew it was there all along.

Am I completely insane?

ha. it's late. time for sleep.

P.S. I think it's comical that my first post on the first day of my new, ambitious project for 2009 didn't even happen till Jan. 2.