new year

It's a new year, but I am still a bad blogger.

The holidays have come and gone and the majority of them, for me, consisted of cooking, eating and making coffee. Mostly quiet, but they were good.

I have a new resolution. And it's a typical New Year's resolution - unattainable, difficult and it probably won't stick, but let's just see. I am going to write something every single day. I'm starting here, but with my new shiny web site coming soon (!) it may evolve to a new location. But it will be more than on a notepad at home (unless I have some extenuating, no-access-to-internet situation) because that won't keep me accountable.

I worry too much about getting things right. I worry too much about making the perfect choice, making sure my moves are the right ones. Sometimes I forget to just do something. Sometimes I freeze facing so many choices, so many paths. So, I'm just going to pick one path and do it. Maybe it won't always be right or perfect, but I'll be doing it! And it's not a big choice - but it's a good start.

I am a very emotional person. Nobody makes me realize this more than my mother. She is an emotional person. She worries about everything, about everyone. She obsesses. She fidgets. All the time. She's got this undercurrent of energy that is just always buzzing. It makes me crazy sometimes. There is so much of her in me. But I can also realize lots of ways that I am not like her, and that is helpful too.

Sometimes my emotions surprise me. Sometimes there is something there, under the surface, that just seems to grow and develop all on it's own and you never really even notice it. You don't even know it exists, but you carry it around all the time. And then, you kick your foot into the coffee table or someone grabs you by the shoulders and says something right into your eyes and it just springs up, out of nowhere, just to surprise you. Where the hell did that come from? But somehow you are familiar with it, and you kind of knew it was there all along.

Am I completely insane?

ha. it's late. time for sleep.

P.S. I think it's comical that my first post on the first day of my new, ambitious project for 2009 didn't even happen till Jan. 2.